Uncertainties
Sailing between the stars and sea
I am lost.
I map all that fall from the sky and appear in the waves.
I am frightened by these uncertain seas.
Will I ever find my way?
Star Sea Subject Matter
In hopes of finding ways to cope with my existential questions, I dive deeper into my current obsession with our vast oceans, the heavens above and all the little ways they collide. Spoiler, there are have been no solid single answers but I’ve identified a through line that I’d like discuss.
survival, symbolism, and the stars.
Alright bear with me because I’m still connecting all the dots myself and there are a lot of damn dots okay, but to start…
Survival mode has a lot negative cognitions in a society that emphasizes thriving over surviving and praises highlight reels. But there’s a lot of ease that comes with taking things day by day while existing in our ever changing uncertain world.
Sometimes survival is more than enough.
And this may be a reach but when reflecting on survival I think about my enslaved ancestors and our beloved Harriet Tubman, who used their knowledge of the land and stars to find the way north. “Reading the night sky provided important clues for survival. The Big Dipper and North Star were referenced in many slave narratives and songs. Follow the Drinking Gourd was a popular African American folksong composed decades after the Civil War based on anecdotes that memorialized the significance of these stars.”1 Within this context, the North Star is a powerful symbol of freedom and hope for a better life. Although I’m not utilizing the stars to determine my direction towards freedom, star gazing has this similar “wish upon a star” effect that fosters hope, optimism, and a sense of connection to something larger than oneself.
The active awareness required for star gazing has truly help to manage the overwhelm of uncertainties which has been coming up for me a lot lately and be present. To fully engage in the present moment in this way can feel silly or irresponsible when managing my angst but plainly put it’s more intriguing than meditating in silence for 15 minutes or creating another daily routine that just won’t stick.
Taking the smallest amount of time to look up at the stars reassures me that “no matter where I go, there I am” and there is Polaris and hopefully I will find my way.
