Mining in the Dark
I recently shortened my work hours as a junior designer doing architecture and design work to pursue more art opportunities in the city. I would be a lot more nervous about this transition but I’m in a very privileged position living at home with the support of my parents. I sometimes feel very childish and embarrassed when I discuss this but it’s my truth and honestly it’s a blessing that I plan to steward well and not take it for granted. It’s a privilege to have the time and space to figure things out with less financial responsibility in a capitalist country. I get to spend more time with my parents and develop a healthy adult relationship with them. Even with this ease of pace there are still a lot of fear, comparison, and anxieties that arise as I pursue my dreams.
On my commute to the cafe I visualized a scenario of me mining in the dark, forging my own path led by my inner light. Along the way I may find a rock or a gem but there was no way to tell the value because it’s dark so it’s up to me to decide rather to bring it along or let it go. It takes a lot of faith and courage to mine in the dark and ultimately that’s what I’m doing. Day by day I do the work.
process is practice
I just read this thought provoking article by Nubia Assta titled The Cost of Convenience: We have fallen out of love with the process. I saw myself in this article, reflecting on paradoxical feelings I have about sharing my work online, to be seen and validated while simultaneously having not quite mastered my craft or fully immersing myself in practice, establishing a relationship with my work that is my own first and foremost.
I often remind myself that it’s okay to just be in practice, and there’s no pressure to release a full body of work because I’m not there yet and at the same time put in the work to do so, little by little. A close friend of mine recently shared their admiration for how process centered I am and how it makes me a more captivating artist. Honestly the best compliment I’ve ever received and truly the reassurance that I needed. What they see in me wouldn’t be reflected if I wasn’t putting in the time and effort to do the work and them seeing me is more than enough validation to keep moving towards my dreams.
Since changing my work schedule I’ve been spending more time working for myself, without pay. I go to the library or cafe to research my interests, write proposals and grants. I’ve been going to the studio more regularly, practicing wheel throwing and experimenting with different techniques. It’s been a privilege and a luxury to be in my practice and develop my craft. I’m developing the foundation to my work in real time and learning to appreciate the process because process is practice and practice is forever not a means to an end.
The work of doing you!!! 🫶🏾